Hello family, friends, countrymen and countrywomen!
Welcome to our new family oriented blog. Some of you might have been wondering why we haven't created a family-themed blog until now (or not). Well, we felt like we didn't really have a family to necessitate a blog but that's all going to change soon, as many of you know. In just a few weeks (or sooner) Sylvia will give birth to our new ubermensch named either Roby Marie or Cannon James (CJ). Yes, we understand that these are not main stream names. However, we think that our progeny will be held to a extraordinary standard due to his or her extraordinary name. No pressure, though. I am sure the baby will be a normal, well-adjusted child, even though destined to be a super squirt. We plan to post photographs and cute quips about the baby's progress. We wouldn't want any of you miss some of the "firsts" like the meconium or the first time I get peed on. But the new baby is not the only thing we will blog about in this forum.
For the family, we will review the going-ons of our day-to-day lives-- which I am sure you will all find riveting. I know I will be on pins and needles. Sylvia or I will update you on things like job changes, home alterations or every time I go to the emergency room. But that's not all. We will also provide exciting Gov'na coverage like what happened this morning:
Last night, we (S, J and K) went to our friends house to watch the Arkansas vs. Georgia game. Because I dislike watching football, I decided to drink bountiful amounts of flavored beers and mango-grapefruit greyhounds. I think you can guess what happened. After the game was over, we came home and went to bed. Then something strange occurred.
At 5:34am, I heard Govy urinating in the prison we keep him in at night. I shot out of bed, ran to the cage, and forced him out by swatting wildly at him with a t-shirt. He was visibly and audibly upset and peed all over the room. It was like backing over a fire hydrant filled with Mountain Dew. He yelped and ran towards the stairs to escape to the backyard. I let him out and he continued to leak for the entirety of his journey. Poor Gov'na. I consoled him and his leaky bladder on the steps of the patio. After he was restored to his jovial self, we returned to the scene of the “accident.” When I got upstairs I realized I had made a staid error, perhaps spurred by my alcoholic haze from the night before. I went to the cage where I believed the urinating had prematurely commenced and found no urine. I checked his bedding, his little sheets, the surround wall and found no evidence to support that a wee-wee crime had been committed! Yes, in fact, I had dreamed the whole thing and, because of the impulsive nature of my actions, had scared the whiz out of Gov! What a bad dog owner! I now owe the Gov many walks and perhaps a pig ear. Anyway, this is the kind of content that you can expect in this blog. If you enjoy pee stories then please return and, if not, respectfully piss off (to be read in a Gordon Ramsey accent)
For friends, we will provide an account of the misadventures of our social lives and public humiliation—which, for me, there are many. We will tell tales of epic sporting exploitations, broken bones, miscalculated home improvement projects, giant paper mache creations, stoopid pet tricks, insane commitment to outlandish goals, Bacchanalian meals and parties and of course, stories of great love for life. It will be good, so stick around.
So, that is all for now.
I personally apologize for the urine themed welcome. It is not indicative of the blogging to come nor is it something that Sylvia would approve of with any regularity. Welcome and see you soon. Thank you for reading.