Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sleepy: the drowsy life of a pregnant lady

Recently I have noticed more and more that Sylvia cannot keep her eyes open. Her spry, generally alert state has been subsumed by a tired eyed, hazy automaton. Not to say that she isn't still fun to play with. Of course, her lethargy is not the result of a drunken night at the boutique tequila bar or extreme exercise but due to her increased girth and fetal movements! As you saw in the last post, Sylvia's belly has indeed increased in size and mass indicating the growth of the uber-fetus that is my progeny. Said fetus is preparing to enter the world shortly and therefore Sylvia's body must ready itself for the Great Baby Eruption (GBE).

Many changes are occurring simultaneously. Sylvia's pelvic joints are now loosening themselves like so many snakes unlock their jaws to consume their meals. Also, increased hormone levels, especially progesterone have interesting effects on mom. At first, I thought this meant she would grow a mustache or a unibrow but the internet cleared up that misconception for me. Lucky for me and unlucky for the county fair, progesterone only serves to make Sylvia sleepy (among other things like strange effects on the esophageal sphincter--not what you think) and is a signal to the body that the GBE is happening soon.

It's not only hormones making her tired. She is being bothered. Unbeknowst to me, babies can have hiccups. Hiccups! The baby hasn't been drinking anything nor eating too fast. Apparently, the hiccups are so striking that Sylvia can be awaken even in the deepest of sleeps. Therefore, I have devised a plan to combat the fetal synchronous diaphragmatic flutter. First, I will hide in
the closet dressed as Rush Limbaugh and pop out exclaiming, "where is my precious grandbaby and Vicodin?!?" If that doesn't work, I will help Sylvia perform some of the inverted maneuvers we saw at Cirque De Soleil hoping for a diaphragm restart.

After all this has been said, I have to admit that I am the main reason Sylvia is not getting enough sleep. Because of my shoulder surgery, I cannot get comfortable and move around more that the baby ever does. We have tried to position so that I don't wake up and disrupt Sylvia but it is to no avail. We have stripped down the bed to allow for freedom of movement and we have built up a tower of buttress pillows to prop the shoulder. Nothing works (except Vicodin). I toss, she tosses. I turn, she turns. Unfortunately, after a visit to the doctor today, I found out that I am far away from being healed. In fact, four months from being a super pater familias. But don't worry grandmothers, I will be able to hold the baby, help Sylvia with everything and be able to lift the bottle of Jack so I (and Sylvia) can sleep. I wonder if Jack Daniels is good for hiccups?

1 comment:

  1. Love the blog!

    I always find it intereting how fetuses urinate into the amniotic fluid, then drink it, then urinate some more. So, baby is drinking something. :)